My friend Dallin is a 37-year-old, single successful realtor, business investor and Utah resident. He recently described to me his perspective about how changes in the way society views and treats men and women have impacted men: 

We had a lot of things handed to us on a silver platter. The world catered to men, so men passively got through life without doing anything. But now, that’s not the case. And rather than being inspired by women’s success, we are threatened by it. Men are becoming passive because of it…. The biggest insecurity for men is whether we have what it takes. When you don’t know something, it eats at your soul. So many of the women I talk to, they meet guys who are uncertain and unsure. They don’t take care of their rooms or their bodies. And men are just lonely. That’s also a big part of it. 

Dallin’s account underlines how men are struggling in today’s world. Interestingly, despite the polarization of nearly everything in today’s world, thought leaders across philosophical divides agree this is the case. 

Last week, the American Enterprise Institute (AEI) hosted a debate about whether strengthening fatherhood depends on renewing marriage in America. Richard Reeves, Brookings Institution senior fellow and author of the book Boys and Men, argued that being a good father is possible independent of marital status. On the other hand, Ian Rowe, AEI senior fellow and author of the book Agency, asserted that strengthening fatherhood independent of marriage and cohabitation would do more harm than good. He said, “It makes no sense to emphasize the importance of healthy family engagement while discounting the primary vehicle that drives healthy father engagement.” 

Despite their differences during the debate, Richard and Ian agreed that boys and men are struggling and need our help. The data cements the picture of men’s struggle in today’s world. 

Boys and men are not okay 

From 1990 to 2005, male high school drop-out rates increased from 58.3% to 63.7%. Male college enrollment rates have declined since 2012 whereas women’s college enrollment rates increased. Men are less likely to enroll in and graduate from four-year colleges. Average earnings for men have steadily declined throughout many Western countries over the last 30 years. In terms of workforce, male workforce rates have yet to return to pre-pandemic levels. In contrast, female workforce rates have – even though more women lost their jobs during the pandemic and are five to eight times more likely to experience a caregiving impact on their employment. 

From a mental health standpoint, the data is even more concerning. Nationally, the suicide rate among males in 2021 was about four times higher than the suicide rate among females. Although males make up 50% of the population, they compose nearly 80% of suicides. Adults in Utah report more poor mental health days compared to the national average. And men report lower rates of depression and anxiety. Still, it is thought they exhibit similar levels of depression through other behaviors and underreport their mental health issues or seek help because of stigma, lack of close supports, affordability issues, shame, and the low prevalence of male counselors in the field. 

The data is clear – boys and men are hurting today relative to the past. 

In a recent interview, Richard Reeves stated, “There is every reason to pay at least as much attention to the mental health of boys as of girls. It is just not true that the boys are fine; let’s worry about the girls. The boys are not fine. And there is a lot of evidence for that.” 

What next 

It’s difficult to know how to respond to these problems. But for my friend Dallin, the solution begins with the family institution: 

I believe the only way to empower men is through other men. I think it comes down to being fathered. Even those who have a dad, that dad is distant. My mom can do anything and everything for me, but at the end of the day, it is the other men in our lives that teach and bestow healthy masculinity. 

Dallin’s perspective is backed up by the fact that about 25% of children today are growing up without a father in their home.  

There are also things that policymakers can do to help boys and men, but those will likely require a change of mindset. Over the years, we have created policies that empowered women and other marginalized populations. Many in those groups have benefited from those policies. Yet, the decline in men’s well-being during that period suggests that we may have given inadequate consideration toward other groups – like boys and men. 

Strong families drive a strong economy and require healthy boys and men to function well. The ability of policy leaders to strengthen the family will be limited if we fail to empower boys and men. When approaching policy, leaders must remember the boys and men that make up 50.3% of Utah’s total population rather than leave them behind, especially in policy arenas like education, the workforce, mental health and suicide. 

The challenge before policymakers is to have and maintain a problem-solving mindset that lifts all boats – uplifting marginalized groups without unconsciously pushing others down. Meeting this challenge is possible; leaders must do so for strong families and communities.